Are you a rule follower or a rebel? I tend to fall into the rule follower category and as such, this grey area we’re living in of what is right and wrong, safe or dangerous, has been particularly challenging. And considering we’re all living day by day, decision by decision, my “let’s plan out the next 5 years” side of the brain is struggling. As Curtis and I make decisions about socialization and extracurricular activities outside the walls of our house we’re subscribing to the public health equation of time, place, people, and space. How long will we be there? Is it indoor or outdoor? How many people will be there and who are they? Can we reasonably practice distancing there?
Every step we take feels monumental. Just a few months ago, our average week looked like this:
Almost every Monday, Curtis went to an airport to get on an airplane to fly through possibly another airport to get to a different city, often New York, where he’d stay in a hotel and walk the streets to and from to go to an enormous office building and then repeat that cycle until he came home. While he was out of town, Margaret would go to school. Catherine and I would walk her in and linger on the playground to chat. Hugs were given all around, baby cheeks were pinched, and Catherine and I would go run errands. Maybe to a store, maybe the mall, maybe we’d meet someone at a restaurant for lunch. After the school day Margaret would do another extracurricular activity with a different group of friends. Catherine and I would pick her up and either come home or some days meet our friends out for dinner while the kids ran around any played. When Curtis got back into town on Thursday night after flying through possibly two airports on two different planes, we’d be excited for Friday which meant getting together with friends and their kids for Trivia Night at our country club. Saturdays were surely filled with play dates or birthday parties followed maybe by a date night while the grandparents or a baby sitter took care of our girls. We’d eat at a restaurant or maybe go to a movie. If we were especially lucky, a concert or play. Sunday we’d be at church with the girls in the nursery playing with other children and caregivers, followed by brunch with more family and little ones. Then Monday we’d start all over again.
I almost can’t believe that was our life typing it all out. I miss it. Sometimes the pace got away from us and we’d need to course correct, but I’ve walked away from this time at home grateful for the space and love of my little family of four, but also firm in my believe the spending our week with our community of friends and family, going places and out and about, is the way I want to keep living when we’re on the other side of this.
When I reflect on this life that was so recently ours, it is no wonder the micro-decisions feel oppressive. Here is an interesting article about the special kind of fatigue many of us have been experiencing. Through my window to the world through my little slice of social media, some have been out because they had to be, whether they felt comfortable or not. Some have recently begun re-entry with what seems like a great comfort, from family dinners at favorite restaurants or trips to the local zoo. Some don’t have a choice either because of local laws, due to increased personal risk factors or because they just don’t feel comfortable stepping out of their isolation routine yet. And some of y’all are right where we are – in a place where the choice is ours but we’re grappling with what exactly that looks like.
We’re trying to re-enter life slowly. Each week dabbling into new territory. And I want to be able to continue with these opportunities to venture out, so I’ll do what needs to be done. I’ll be elbow tapping, air hugging, mask wearing and sanitizing my way into the world as necessary. As I packed up my pool bag for Margaret and I to swim at a friends house today, thrilled for her to get the chance to be around children again, I had more antibacterial gear on me than a CVS. We made the decision for her to be around friends today for the first time in almost 10 weeks and it was a glorious reunion. We’re not sure what that means for our next few weeks of decisions. How about a trip to the museum downtown? How about a close-by weekend getaway? It is all “allowed”, it isn’t breaking the “rules”, which is usually where this rule follower finds comfort. But I don’t think we’re experiencing a simple case of following the rules. I think what each of us does has a lot to do with where we live, whether we have any special needs or concerns, what kind of activity we’re considering, and then of course, whether we have to do it or not – which is an entirely different conversation.
I realize that by talking about this here on the blog and on social media, I open myself up to questions or concern – or “concern” if you know what I mean. But I think that since we are in such uncharted waters, it warrants this kind of openness to try to figure things out together. I find myself at this place where there are a lot of things that are “allowed” that I am not quite comfortable yet, but I am getting there. And there are parts of me that wishes I just didn’t care and could pretend like things are normal and the risks don’t exist, but that isn’t me. I also see the appeal of in the face of this kind of flexibility, where the choice is ours as we “open for business” to opt out and say, no thanks but I’ll just keep on staying home literally 100% of the time. But I can’t do that either because even though I think I could handle that for a little while longer, we believe, and as pediatricians are beginning to cite, that the social and emotional side effects are beginning to weigh severely on Margaret’s mental health and so we are adding that to the equation when we are evaluating risks.
So here are some of the resources that are currently helpful for us. Nothing us perfect, there are no road maps and now more than ever we need to give each other grace as we all try to figure this out. I think if we use the information wisely and are considerate of one another then we have a good chance of handling this.
RESOURCES
Johns Hopkins Coronavirus Resource Center – I have been following this resource center since the beginning of March. You can sign up for daily emails and it aggregates verified data updates, medical journals, scholarly articles and other relevant news such as re-openings.
COVID Tracking Project – They’re doing a great job of breaking down data by state and updating trends daily. They tend to measure “percent positive” instead of just x number of tests positive so we have some perspective on an upward or declining trend since knowing out of how many tests performed is key. Because the CDC has had some struggles with their data, the White House was using this data in their strategy documents.
Experts Weigh The Risks of 14 Summer Activities (NPR) – This is a particularly helpful one to us right now from thinking about the pool, to the beach, a restaurant, etc …
New England Journal of Medicine – research and discussion on the impact of school closures on the mental health of children.
