Chances are you’ve heard this cliche advice as many times as I have, which is to say – a lot. But sometimes we hear advice over and over because it is good, and I think “dating your spouse” is simply one of those pearls of wisdom that we can all stand to be reminded of. My interpretation of it is that in order to maintain intimacy in a marriage we must intentionally plan time to spend with our partners, one-on-one, with the purpose to connect. When we’re in the weeds of marriage, it can seem impossible to find time to make eye contact, let alone plan a date. Curtis is about to start a new job that has a nearly identical travel schedule to his last, described by his company as 80% travel, and the thought of cutting into family time when he is home is tricky. But as hard as it can be, making time for your marriage is critical and the less we do it, the worse off we are. I think dating your spouse becomes even more important when your children are watching. One of the speakers we had at a mother’s group I was affiliated with out in Dallas talked with us about the importance of date night and how we can tell our children proudly that their parents love each other, they love spending time with each other and that they’re going on a date. It can be hard to leave our babies in the care of others but thinking about her encouragement has always provided me the script I need to tell Margaret, and now Catherine, with pride and joy that her parents are going out to spend time together. For what it’s worth, I think a lot of this advice should be applied to relationships beyond our marriage. There isn’t a catching phrase for it, but we need to date our friends too and I know whenever I leave the girls with Curtis for a mom’s night out, I tell them where I’m going because I can only pray that one day they have a spouse they love to date, and friends to have fun with.
There is tons of advice out there on dating your spouse. This article here provides some tips on how to implement the routine into your marriage if you want a little extra help. And dating doesn’t always have to mean getting a sitter and hitting the town, though I do think that kind of dating is a necessary punctuation in a relationship. The twist I want to add to the whole “date your spouse” conversation is to remember the value of nostalgia.
When Curtis and I saw that Blink-182 would be touring again we jumped on the tickets. Our radios these days are more likely to blare NPR and popular country, but as angst filled high school students we were pretty punk rock. And now that the night has come for this walk down memory lane, and I’ve wanted to bail on these plans in favor for our usual Friday fare of friends, wine and trivia night, we’re going to go through with it and I know we won’t regret it.
The next time you find yourself planning a date with your spouse, consider the element of nostalgia. For Curtis and I, since we were actual babies when we started dating, we tend toward things that kids do. We go bowling, to the movies, or we go get ice cream. Think back to when you and your significant other really fell in love – what did y’all like to do? What was the first movie you saw? Was there a recipe you made over and over? Find “that” song – not necessarily your wedding song, but the one you’d crank up and really dance or sing to. Or just make out like you’re about to get caught by your parents.
Whatever you do, date your spouse. Find the time, pick a place, consider how leaning on nostalgia can help foster your connection with the one you love.
