World Breastfeeding Week: My Breastfeeding Experience

In my recent post, The Last Time, I wrote about how I try to process all of the “lasts” in motherhood so that I don’t deprive myself of the joy in all of their firsts. That post was largely motivated by my experience weaning baby Catherine after almost 10 months of breastfeeding. In honor of World Breastfeeding Week I wanted to elaborate on my breastfeeding journey. You can learn more about the World Health Organization’s initiative here including the slogan, Empower Parents, Enable Breastfeeding. As parents one of the most simple things we can do to live that motto is to share – share our challenges, triumphs, tips, and encouragement. I believe that the increased openness surrounding breastfeeding is a wonderful sign of progress and I am glad to participate in it. 

Try as I might I could not seem to be concise, word economy is forever a challenge for me, so in an effort to be helpful, this post can be divided into three sections:

SHARING: A little of my breastfeeding story and my perspective as a result.

CELEBRATION – Now that breastfeeding is over for me, I decided to treat myself!

ENGAGEMENT – So what can we do to Empower Parents and Enable Breastfeeding?

SHARING

I’ve alluded to the fact that for both of my babies, the weaning process was not motivated by their sudden indifference, or refusal to nurse but rather by my own needs. With Margaret I learned I’d been experiencing a postpartum mood disorder- specifically postpartum anxiety.  I’ve shared about my experience for two key reasons:  

1.     Being open about it is helpful for my own mental health.

2.     While it isn’t necessarily easy or comfortable to do, I think being open about mental health is the key to breaking the stigma and helping others, who may be struggling, feel more confident and educated so they may get the help they need.

One of the reasons it took so long to identify what I was dealing with is because most of the postpartum warnings I’d heard were about depression – not feeling bonded to your baby, feeling sad, feelings of harming yourself or your child, etc … and since I did not feel that way, I brushed off my mounting anxiety as “all new parents worry”. It wasn’t until the symptoms physically manifested – new headaches I’d never experienced even as a migraine sufferer, heart palpitations so fierce I thought I could be dying, and sleepless nights despite a baby girl who became a crib sleeping champion – that I sought medical care. After ruling out other explanations, I ended up at a psychiatrist. We decided together that the best medications for me were not breastfeeding compatible. To be clear, there are medications that are breastfeeding AND pregnancy compatible, but the specific recommendations for me were not, so I started fully weaning, found a therapist, and once I was ready I started the medications. Both the medication and therapy were a welcome relief and helpful. I ultimately was able to wean off of them when we decided to further expand our family and by checking in with continued therapy – kind of like car maintenance – I’m much more equipped this second time around to know what I need to work through certain triggers.

Almost a year postpartum with my second child I’m not exactly in the same boat as I was with Margaret, but there are a variety of health related things I cannot put off any longer that are not breastfeeding compatible. And even though I know weaning was the best decision for me, and ultimately both of my girls, ending my time breastfeeding the second time around still involved a little bit of heartbreak. Presently, Catherine is doing fine – thriving and happy as can be – and so am I. So with breastfeeding my two babies behind me, and in honor of World Breastfeeding Week, here are some thoughts: 

Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I have EVER done which is something I always tell my friends. Maybe it makes me sound like a Negative Nancy to pass on such a harsh truth nugget to a sweetly round expectant mama, but I want to warn them so that when they’re in the thick of it – if they find themselves thinking “this is so hard, it can’t be right” that maybe they’ll remember what I said and find comfort that even though it is a natural thing, sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. And I always tell them that it could be great and easy-peasy and that would be wonderful. But if it isn’t, they can call me, text me, cry to me whatever and I will be there with soothing gel packs and a shoulder to lean on. But as special as breastfeeding is, it can take a while to get the hang of. Which leads me to my next point – 

It took me about 3-4 weeks to get any semblance of a “handle on it”.  But after some of the hardest moments of motherhood came a wonderful nursing experience. So to anyone in the thick of it who wants to keep breastfeeding, I share this sentiment with them and the assurance that it won’t always be like this and that in spite of the first few weeks of heartache, in the big picture it was worth it. But to get to that point, the it in it won’t always be like this, you may need some help which leads me to my next point – 

Seriously, you’ll probably need some help. You might need to call a lactation consultant. You might need to use a nipple shield and it will be okay. You might introduce a pacifier and it will be okay. You may need to supplement with formula, or introduce a bottle, and it will be okay.  Reach out to your resources – trusted pediatricians and nurses, lactation consultants and support groups. Do your research, take in the advice, trust God and your gut, meet your own goals and needs and it will be okay. Which leads me to my last two points –

My breastfeeding mantra was that all breastfeeding decisions made would be done with the goal in mind of extending breast feeding in any capacity as long as possible. This promise was even more important during my experience with Catherine because I was very nervous as to how breastfeeding would look with the demands of two little ones who needed me. True, this time I wasn’t going back to work outside of the home, but it was still hard for me to envision what nursing Catherine while meeting the needs of Margaret would look like. So when I found myself at a breastfeeding decision crossroads, I’d revisit my mantra and use that as my barometer. If dropping a nursing session in favor of a bottle of pumped milk or formula meant that I’d keep at it instead of ending breastfeeding all together, then that is what I did. I pumped, and stored, and supplemented and implemented combo feeding – whatever I needed to do to extend breastfeeding in any capacity for as long as possible. And I did it that way because of my last point – breastfeeding does not have to be all or nothing if you don’t want it to be – a conversation I’ve had a million times over with friends walking this journey. Whether you’re at this juncture with your first or last, where you want to breastfeed but you’re not sure how long or how it will work period, remember that it can look a million different ways as long as you prioritize your health and needs and make sure your sweet little one is fed and loved.  

CELEBRATING

So it came and went – the last time I’d nurse a little one – and to be honest, I don’t even remember that particular nursing “session”. And thank God I don’t remember the last time I pumped. Instead I am left with an overall sense of wonder, respect, and pride for the precious time spent breastfeeding my two girls. I also remember the literal blood, sweat and tears that went into it all and I decided to treat myself for arriving at this motherhood milestone. I could think of no better gift than a portrait of the three of us by one of my favorite artists, Amanda Tucker.

Truthfully her portraits of my favorite Bravolebrities like Kathryn Denis are what caught my eye because as a Bravo super fan – especially of Southern Charm – I was a moth to a flame when I saw her beautiful Instagram feed full of vibrant abstracts. Check her out at @artbyamandatucker. I may have come for the Bravo, but I stayed for her motherhood works.

 Her art is fun and soulful and she lets us in on her inspiration by sharing her motherhood journey through revealing to us snippets of her journal. Amanda notes that by journaling and sharing her experience, “from trying to conceive, losing a baby, becoming pregnant with a rainbow baby, breastfeeding and then trying to love ourselves again as our bodies have changed to nourish a beautiful human” she has been able with viewers, and mothers all over. Her thoughtfulness shines through each of her pieces and I couldn’t think of a more perfect way to symbolize this early magic of motherhood than to have one for myself.

ENGAGEMENT

No matter the role you personally play in relationship to breastfeeding – whether you’re a mom, dad, grandparent, supportive friend, caregiver, etc … there are a lot of things we can all do to Empower Parents and Enable Breastfeeding. Aside from sharing and talking openly about it, I think learning as much as possible is key for anyone engaged in breastfeeding process. But in a way, looking at the bigger picture, we are all involved in this initiative. There is a lot of legislation on our horizon that has the potential to support the overall health and welfare of babies and new parents. The paid family leave offered by my husband’s company was transformational for us and while policies like these support breastfeeding they do so much more for both new parents adjusting to their changing roles. One of the benefits of being behind almost all of the 193 countries within the United Nations is that we have a lot of data at our disposal to learn about what family leave policies could look like in the United States. So let us all keep learning and listening as this issue makes its overdue entrance to the forefront of American politics so that we can actively participate by being supportive of family-focused policies. I found this UNICEF article to be insightful. 

 As far as our own education, upon the recommendation of our pediatrician and lactation consultant I used KellyMom.com and LaLecheLeague. We also used YouTube whenever we needed to see something specific demonstrated. This time around in addition to those tried and true resources, Instagram proved to be a treasure trove of resources. When I was breastfeeding with Margaret I hadn’t yet discovered the “learning” tool that Instagram really can be, or maybe it hadn’t even evolved yet to that point yet. Heck, World Breastfeeding Week was just launched in 2016! But through Instagram I found @BumbleBaby, managed by Kate Arquilla a nurse, breastfeeding counselor and certified sleep consultant based in Chicago who with two young children herself just “gets it”. You can find her on Instagram or visit her site here. If you’re in Chicago you can even arrange an in-home consultation.  Her breastfeeding and sleep tips are so helpful and her product recommendations in general have been spot on. Most importantly her communication is judgement free and focused on finding the best feeding fit for both mother and child.  Kate mentioned donating breast pumps once yours is no longer needed and that is where I am – about to send off two perfectly good pumps that served me well but have more to give. If you’re interested you can learn more here. Medela will recycle my pumps and as a part of this program they donate hospital grade pumps to mothers in need at Ronald McDonald Houses.

THE END

If you made it this far in the post you should get a prize! But seriously, thank you for joining me. I feel passionately about the joy I found in my breastfeeding journey, as hard as it was at times, and I hope to encourage and empower others to understand that feeding your baby is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Share your experience, find a way to celebrate this season in your life, and engage. Most importantly, how ever anyone chooses to feed their little one, be supportive and kind because we’re all in this together – this is your village!